How to pick your Counsellor
I write this blog as I believe its not about me selling myself as your Counsellor (as tempting as that is!) but about me helping to ensure you find the right Counsellor for you. Not everyone is a perfect fit, after all we are human and we make decisions on people within the first few seconds of meeting someone.
My Counsellor and I
I recall during my training as a counsellor, part of our course was to attend counselling. Yip we all went to Counselling! Luckily, I had some inside information from a previous student who gave me the best advice and I’m passing it onto you. She said pick 2 or 3 you like and have an initial chat/meet and then decide who you would feel comfortable to tell your story to and possibly bare your soul to. So off I went, and I did just that. I picked 3. First one I met was nice enough but was very formal, qualifications were laid out quite strongly, quite a big open room which was cold (I don’t like the cold!) and I knew when she had said her bit, I was ready for no2. Second one I met seemed to give off a sense of importance, almost a bit like a teacher and I was her pupil, that didn’t feel right either. Then I thought fingers crossed for therapist no3! Instantly I could tell she was a warm person, friendly, caring and treated me as an equal. Even though the room was quite small it was cosy, comfortable and welcoming and that was all I needed. I felt I could tell her anything, there wouldn’t be judgement and I came away thinking “I like her and I feel comfortable with her”. Decision made.
What to Consider…..
That said since becoming a counsellor and having had a few years of therapy I’ve learnt there are more things than just comfort to consider (although don’t get me wrong, that’s still up there in the criteria!).
Breakdown:-
Professional – Are they registered with a professional body? For example, COSCA, BACP, UKCP, NCS to name a few. Did they present an ethical way of working? Did they mention confidentiality?
Gender – Who might you feel more comfortable with? Or would either be ok?
Training – Ask what they are interested in, specialise in. Do your issues align? Whether its some quite specific like having been in a narcissist relationship, experienced Childhood emotional neglect, needing help with perfectionism or people pleasing. Or it could be you are experiencing a more general issue like anxiety, depression, bullying, anger issues, bereavement or loneliness in which case, it’s possible there are more counsellors out there for you.
Availability – When are you free, and when are they free – is there a cross over? Nothing more frustrating than finding that perfect one and then realising your availability doesn’t match!
Meet/Greet – What did you feel when you met them? Out of ten how comfortable, empathic were they, how welcomed, listened to, judged, equal and respected did you feel? Did they meet your expectations? Are there any red flags?
Experience – How experienced are they, how many years have they been practicing, do they have an agenda for your therapy (do you want an agenda?!), are they flexible to your needs?
Human – Did they seem like someone who could hold you emotionally, someone with integrity? Would they encourage you to find your way and not just point out the way? Did you feel safe in the room with them?
Specifics - don’t forget to check for:
For example, if its couples or childrens’ counsellors you are looking for – feel free to ask what qualifications do they have in regard to this. Or if it’s a specific diagnosis e.g. Borderline Personality Disorder or an eating disorder, its ok to ask what experience/ training they have with this?
The Counsellor Sum – emotional investment + a little hard work + lightbulb moments = happiness/ peace / personal growth
Once you find the right counsellor for you, the real journey can begin. I will be honest and say that it might be an emotional rollercoaster. We may have to gently peel back the layers and it could be draining at times. However, that said, it can also be life changing, bring positivity back into your life, help you move away from toxic people or places, bring personal growth, self-awareness, peace and much much more. If you like the sound of any of that, do reach out for an initial chat and you can decide if you want to pick me!