Strong back, soft front and wild heart
Fierce and Kind, Brave and Afraid, Tough and Tender
I just listened to another Brene Brown podcast called ‘Unlocking Us’. It is labelled ‘Strong back, soft front and wild heart’. Every second sentence in this podcast I believe could be a great and meaningful quote which will stay with you or could be used as direction or motivation in your life.
Another mesmerising pod cast which she makes many points I could relate to. She talks of the well-known ‘Meet and Greets’ which we have all been invited to with our work, but if you are an introvert this is likely to prompt an immediate and strong feeling of dread in you. They certainly have done with me in the past.
She also speaks of taking life in as an inhale and how important it is to inhale life if you want to keep exhaling. I think she was referring to stopping, taking that breath, really seeing what is in front of you and taking each minute in, during those meaningful moments. It was a reminder that inhaling is kind of our way of rejuvenating ourselves. With life being so busy for everyone, and especially during a pandemic, inhaling is so important.
She also talked of strength coming from fear and not love. Again, I could relate to this one when I made the biggest career change in my life. It wasn’t that I didn’t have love for this new chosen career but it was the fear of staying where I was which was the true driver if I’m honest. If you think of a moment when it took you all your strength to achieve or change something big or scary in your life, what was driving you at that moment in time – fear or love?
Brene also goes on to explain the saying of ‘Strong back, soft front and wild heart’. She describes it like a person having a strong and stable back, which then allows them to have that soft exterior in the front. She describes this as letting the world seeing into you. Some of us who have been affected by negative experiences in life might have that strong back but an armoured front. Which front do you have? In many counselling sessions I like to ask my clients who can often have that armoured front – do you still need your armour on? Often the answer is no, but that armour has been up for so long they don’t know how to take it off. It’s a heart-warming feeling to see a client’s armour come down and for them be open to that soft exterior once again. I’m not saying we don’t need to have our armour there for some occasions. Yes we most definitely do. But it’s really important to know when we can take it down. That armour doesn’t only stop the negative experiences coming in but it can often stop the positive experiences too, and keep those we love at a distance. She describes it even better by saying that ‘vulnerability is risk and exposure but not a weakness’.
There are many reasons we each may have a different ‘front’. One reason considered in this pod cast is belonging. Brene considers how fitting in can often be the easy bit but having that feeling of belonging is very different. I agree, there have been many a situation where I felt I fitted in ok, but that feeling of belonging was never there. However, a lesson to learn here is being able to belong is often about how much of yourself you give of yourself in that situation. For example, are you being your most authentic self? How often are we in a situation where we are not really being our true self. How often do we feel we can say ‘actually I don’t agree’. How often do you feel you can stand up and say how you feel without fear of criticism or what others might think. ‘Belong to myself first and betray myself last’ as Brene so rightly puts it. Do you choose to fit in or stand alone?
Brene asks ‘perfect, please, prove, pretend….do any of these words ring true?’ Do you often find you judge yourself too harshly? I often ask my clients, what would you say if a friend did that, what would you say to them? And the answer is always a caring and empathic response but they just aren’t able to give that empathic response to themselves. Then together we look into where those judgements might have originally come from. When did those judgements start and most importantly would they would like to change those judgements. We might even touch on people pleasing!
‘We have to stop walking through the world looking for confirmation’ Brene Brown. So, I ask you at the end of this blog ………Are you willing to be seen? And are you ready to truly belong?